Pi-rants

I started this blog a few years ago when I was still grieving over the death of my only daughter Ann. When I started this, she had already been dead for several years so it was not a fresh event. The time passage however was still short and it was to serve as a way to post stuff that I felt, events that reminded me of her and the loss her death brought to me as I could see my walk towards the fall of my own life.

A couple of weeks ago I came to the realization that after 19 years the death anniversary date was no longer the stinging pain of old. I had reached the point where I could speak of her, think about “what ifs” of life and mention her to others as my daughter that was no longer here among us.

This is a huge step in the evolution of grief, acceptance. It comes at the time of year that we reserve as a way to bring in a new year based on our religious belief as either a Christian in the celebration of Christmas or the non-religious belief of the passing of the sun when the days start getting longer, the winter solstice.

To this day I can say Merry Christmas, and not have it tear a chunk out of my heart. The memories of her are still there, that chunk that has been ripped out many years ago is still looking scared by all the rips and tears, but it’s now mine to keep hold of and look at with eyes not misted by pain but of memories.

Merry Christmas everyone and Merry Christmas Ann.