Thursday, December 08, 2011


For me its Nineteen Years

The other day, specifically Tuesday December 6, I was sitting somewhere in the house towards the end of the day reflecting on what the day was and what the future was to be. As I sat there, it suddenly hit me, DECEMBER 6, Oh my god you dolt, did you forget what day this is? It hit me like a bag of feathers. Heavy feathers, but feathers none the same. Using my highly perfected engineering tools, aka my fingers, I quickly determined that it has been nineteen years since the death of my one and only daughter, my youngest child, my Princess. And then that revelation hit me with an equal force that I didn’t shake from that thought having missed the date. I sat there, smiled as I looked back on not what the date meant, but on what was the subject of the date. My daughter and her life. As the few posts in this blog attest, the subject of this has been her death and its impact on me in all that I do, am and was once. But here I am nineteen years later able to think of it in the quiet of mind thoughts smiling not at her death but at her life.

I always knew this day would come, or well, I was hoping that this day would come, but parts of me didn’t want it to come, fearful of lessening her memory or worse, fearful of losing her memory altogether. But here it is, nineteen years later and I can genuinely smile past her death as I look only back on her life.

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