Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Great, now I am being told I am a woman

I am so not liking this. I have been told its all in my head, literally. Well, my eye inside my head.

Let me esplain. I have vision problems related to another illness I have, and as such I have to see a eye doc at least twice a year. This isn’t the kind of eye doc that does your glasses, this is a guy that looks deep into the eye, and then blasts the chit out of it with a laser when he sees something that isn’t right. Well, maybe at 1000 blasts at a time. So it just happened that I was due to see the guy and two weeks before I am supposed to see him I notice one night watching the telly that I cant see chit out of the right eye. Now up to this time I have had problems with my left eye, so I always figured, well, at least I have one good eye, my right, that seems to be problem free. Noooooooo, it was feeling left out, so it decided to pull a fast one, it wanted TLC, it wanted its time in the sun, so to speak.

So I noticed that my eye developed a “nike” swoosh right at the mid-point of the right eye. Then over the next few days the swoosh filled in, becoming a half moon, but staying right where the imaginery cross hair would be if your eye had one. So the bottom line is that at a distance of an arm length, I could see objects sort of ok, it was like looking through some hair in front of your eye, a bit fuzzy, not clear, not sharp and in focus. But the killer is that reading, it’s a no go. And I work on the computer all day, and I read small government text, like 6 point small, and when I close my left eye, right where I want to focus, all I see is fuzzy dark. Not black, sort of like 20 percent shading that you can do on word texts. Open my left eye, its OK, but left eye closed, its Ray Charles time.

So I see the doc. People told me why did I wait, I said, well, it wasn’t getting worse, and besides, what, me worry?

He does his thing, drops from hell, making half the waiting room all wearing sunglasses in an otherwise dark room, the other half designated drivers like my wife trying to read three year old mags in the dark. Eyes dilated real wide, my Mediterranean blue eyes reduced to a huge black circle with the smallest blue circle at the very edge. He looks in, shines light into the eye, first white, then red, ruin a few more tests, his associate does the same thing, nope, nothing wrong. They cant find any damage to the optic nerve, which is a good thing, they cant find any hemorrhaging, another good thing, they cant see any color changes, but in spite of their pronouncement that my eyes are looking good, I cant see chit. It must be in my head they say.

F’ng great I say, I am now an official resident of the old wives club, a card carrying female. First I had my prostate ripped out, which is sort of like making me a woman, hysterectomly speaking, and now they tell me its all in my head.’

Whiskey. Tango. Fox.

Ok, when is my pedicure going to be done, before or after my bikini wax job. After all, its summer here in Texas, time for the sandals and Capri’s.


Bite me.

"It's all in your head." I've been hearing that line like fricken forever.

So what was the Nike-like swoosh in your eye then? I have to re-read this.

I hate when they used to put those drops in my eyes to make the pupils wider. Once, they had to put A LOT of drops in, leaving my eyes like that for a whole 24 hours. I was a mess.

Anyway, I hope you feel better and see better.

P.S. Maybe it was all that IRC stuff? (ha)
thanks for dropping by -- yeah, my sweet crazy town Lakers are stuck with having to win the next THREE games if they want to take the series, oh the humanity.
I love your wonderful attitude, take something bad and make it good by becoming a woman. It's not every day you can do that.

Let me warn you though....other women will be jealous of you, and they will eventually claw out your eyeballs anyway, so it's better that you can't see

thanks for swinging by my blog, I just the other day took the password protect off. I'm taking a walk on the wild side, hope to see you around ;)
AAAAAAAAAAH! That's hilarious. I mean the part about being a woman, not the part about having eye trouble because believe me, I know what it feels like to have problems doctors say they can't see or don't believe you have.

BTW, I get a kick hearing about my "work" life over at my "personal" life. Seems the two bleed together these days. Have we ever me? This has been killing me!
"Whiskey. Tango. Fox." is definitely a keeper! omg, too funny! lol
Can I steal it sometime? ;)

ps. Thx for your recent visit oh-so-many days ago. Sorry it's taken me awhile to return the favor.
btw - couldn't find an email addy for you to fwd my PCR. ah well...
good god, post something new already
That should say, "have we ever met..." I'm so self-absorbed, "have we ever me?"
Oh you definitely want the pedi AFTER the wax job. Otherwise the oils from the sea salt scrub will fuck up the wax adhering to the hair. And feel free to pee sitting down now. :-)
I once went for a manzillian wax but they said I need to trim the forrest before they could get to the underbush. I would not recommend it to anyone!
Just like a woman - bitch, bitch, bitch! :)
I am really enjoying your blog!
Sooooo wait.....and exactly what is wrong with pedicures and bikini wax jobs? I mean sure you can do that.....but if you start stealing my appointment slots from my wax lady and the nail lady I may be a little irritated....but...nothing wrong. Just dont get apple red as your nail color please.

By the way this is MisstressM
You've got a great attitude about things. If only it was in our heads huh??
A; be glad it's in THAT head and not the other ... heh heh heh
B. Sounds like you might want to try a brazilian
C. I kind of like being an old woman ... so much better than being an old man ;)

hugs darlin'
Just wait until you experience PMS....thats worse than being told you are a woman.

By the way I cant figure out how to leave normal comment. Its Miss M from
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