Pi-rants

The time around Thanksgiving brings me down for a spell, its not something that some 14 years later is as raw as it was once, but its still there. Its the time where we have much to be thankful for, when we should be enjoying the good in our lives, and yet, we can get wrapped up in the whole to do, that we miss the small things.

Its the period where I lost my only daughter, events that are twisted, should never have happenned, yet they did. The events of that cold day some 14 years ago are still burning in my heart, how they have both made me a better father, husband, and a better person.

I lost my religion during this period, yet i am more spiritual now than i was when i was into religion. I threw away the teachings of man, and retain the teachings of a higher spirit, not necessarily your god, but my God.

Throught it all however, I am still a happy man, but I do have a twinge of sadness at times, like this weekend and next week.

In the past 15 years, I have lost both parents, my first wife of 28 years, but those losses pale with losing a child.

It is said that losing your parents is losing your past,
losing your spouse is losing your present,
but losing your child is losing your future.

Ann would have been 30 this year. Yet as I write this, looking at her junior high school portarit taken only one month before her death, she will forever be fixed in my mind as the 15 year old she was, and will always be.

These days will pass, tears will fall as they always do. Life goes on, I have two wonderful sons, ok, at times they may not be WONDERFUL, but they are all mine, and I love them dearly.

Life is relative as Eistein said, I lost a daughter, and I have two sons. my current wife lost her only child from SIDS, many many years ago, then she acquired toxic shock, had a complete hysterectomy, and she has no children. We both have lost children, but not the same child. yet we can feel the same way.

I say these things for several reasons, one, it causes me to remember her in a special way, two, it keeps her life alive in my mind and the mind of others, and lastly, its cathartic.

i dont want you to feel that words are needed, beleive me, there is no place I want you to be than on the other side from me as far as this is concerned.

Thanks for lending me your ear.

have a GREAT Thanksgiving, love the simple things in your live, and the people near and close to you, then think of those that you do not know, but see, and share a kind thought for them.